Many times, the simplest way to write something in English is the best and most natural way of writing it. One way you can simplify is by avoiding the preposition of whenever possible. Here are some examples from your essay:
YOU WROTE: The appearance of the person
MORE NATURAL: The person’s appearance
YOU WROTE: a lot of characteristics of the person
MORE NATURAL: a lot of the person’s characteristics/traits
YOU WROTE: the status of the person
MORE NATURAL: the person’s status
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