Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Comments on TOEFL Essay

This was a great essay. I think your writing in English has really improved. Only three comments for you:

 

You wrote:

“When parents repeat advice too many times, it may be a little annoying, but that advice is also for children's better future.”

I understand what you are saying here. However, here is a more natural way of saying it in English:

“When parents repeat advice too many times, it may be a little annoying, but it is for the betterment of their children.”

 

You wrote:

“They also make their children follow their direction with their way”

Another sentence that is awkward but comprehensible. We would use the phrase “listen to.”  Here is the correction:

“They also make their children listen to them.”

 

You wrote:

“their children's better life to associate with others well and to live in better life.”

I wasn’t sure about the meaning of this sentence. Here’s a suggestion:

“their children's future depends on being able to behave well and get along with others.”

 

 

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