This was a great essay. I think your writing in English has really improved. Only three comments for you:
You wrote:
“When parents repeat advice too many times, it may be a little annoying, but that advice is also for children's better future.”
I understand what you are saying here. However, here is a more natural way of saying it in English:
“When parents repeat advice too many times, it may be a little annoying, but it is for the betterment of their children.”
You wrote:
“They also make their children follow their direction with their way”
Another sentence that is awkward but comprehensible. We would use the phrase “listen to.” Here is the correction:
“They also make their children listen to them.”
You wrote:
“their children's better life to associate with others well and to live in better life.”
I wasn’t sure about the meaning of this sentence. Here’s a suggestion:
“their children's future depends on being able to behave well and get along with others.”
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