Comments on TOEFL Essay

You wrote:

“products could be a burden for people”

The problem is with the word “burden”—we don’t use burden in this way. We use burden in two main ways:

1) “burden” = heavy load, especially when it makes it difficult for an animal or machine. Example: “The donkey collapsed under the burden of all the…”

2) “burden” = something that causes great difficulty, usually over a period of time. Example: “The government is burdened by its debt.”

For your sentence, I recommend the following:

“products may cause a lot of problems for the people who buy them”

 

You wrote:

“First, cheap products are generally fragile”

Correct is this:

“First, cheap products are easily broken.”

(“fragile“= easily broken because of the material the product is made of. For example, glass can be fragile; a table cannot be fragile.)

 

You wrote:

“Companies cut their costs to make cheap products as much as they can”

More natural is this:

“Companies cut their costs to make as many cheap products as they can”

However, the meaning of this sentence is not logical in the context of the paragraph. Here’s what I suggest:

“Companies cut their costs to make products as cheaply as they can”

 

You wrote:

“sometimes they contain dangerous ingredients or are out of order”

I wasn’t sure what you meant here. The first part of the sentence is okay, but the second part was difficult. The main thing I didn’t understand was the phrase “out of order.”  “Out of order” means that some kind of automated machine for the public is broken.  For example, I can say, “the bathroom is out of order” or “the ATM (bank machine for getting cash) is out of order.”  Here is a suggestion:

“sometimes they contain dangerous ingredients and can be harmful to the health”

 

As always, I hope this has helped!

Many thanks,