Modal Verbs in TOEFL Essays

Try to avoid using modal verbs, whenever possible. They often make your argument weaker (and confusing). You wrote:

“There has been debate on whether or not technology can complicate our lives.”

Better is this:

“There has been debate on whether or not technology complicates our lives.”

In the first sentence, your meaning is:  there has been debate on whether it is possible that computers complicate our lives.  It is definitely true that technology “can complicate our lives,” but the question is this: “does it complicate our lives?”

Modals are tricky. Sorry.

 

Awkward Phrases and Conditional Sentences

Thanks for the essay. I liked your ideas a lot. Even so, I have to admit that this essay wasn’t as good as the one you wrote yesterday. There were a couple problems:

 

The first one was your choice of vocabulary words. The problem is that in terms of grammar there’s nothing really wrong; the native speaker, however, would use a different word. Here are four examples of what you wrote vs. how I would have written it:

1) “sometimes criticism brings anarchy to a society”--> “sometimes criticism causes disruption in society”

2) “it often contributes to the progress of a people” --> “it often contributes to the development of a people”

3) “criticism brings accountability” --> “criticism results in accountability”

4) “adverse work” --> “misdeeds”

 

The other thing you seem to have problems with is forming conditionals in English: the first conditional, second conditional, and third conditional. If you have a grammar book, I recommend spending some time studying this grammar because it is quite common in both writing and speaking. First conditional and second conditional are the most important.

 

Tip for Beginning a TOEFL Conclusion

Conclusion

Always begin your conclusion with a transitional phrase: In conclusion, To sum up, In summary, etc. This signals to the reader that you are beginning your last paragraph.

 

General Tip for TOEFL Essay Introduction

Introduction

From the first sentence, you should be introducing the reader to the topic. When I began reading your essay, for example, I thought it was going to be about optimists and pessimists. It’s best to begin with a broad (general) statement about the topic.

 

 

 

Comments on TOEFL Essay

This was a great essay. I think your writing in English has really improved. Only three comments for you:

 

You wrote:

“When parents repeat advice too many times, it may be a little annoying, but that advice is also for children's better future.”

I understand what you are saying here. However, here is a more natural way of saying it in English:

“When parents repeat advice too many times, it may be a little annoying, but it is for the betterment of their children.”

 

You wrote:

“They also make their children follow their direction with their way”

Another sentence that is awkward but comprehensible. We would use the phrase “listen to.”  Here is the correction:

“They also make their children listen to them.”

 

You wrote:

“their children's better life to associate with others well and to live in better life.”

I wasn’t sure about the meaning of this sentence. Here’s a suggestion:

“their children's future depends on being able to behave well and get along with others.”

 

 

"Dress" vs. "Clothes"

Dress vs. Clothes
Be careful with these words—there is the potential for a spectacular mistake. For example, you wrote:

...a person can be judged by the dresses he wears...

It is true that sometimes I like to wear dresses, but most men do not. Only women wear dresses.

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Comments on TOEFL Essay

You wrote:

“products could be a burden for people”

The problem is with the word “burden”—we don’t use burden in this way. We use burden in two main ways:

1) “burden” = heavy load, especially when it makes it difficult for an animal or machine. Example: “The donkey collapsed under the burden of all the…”

2) “burden” = something that causes great difficulty, usually over a period of time. Example: “The government is burdened by its debt.”

For your sentence, I recommend the following:

“products may cause a lot of problems for the people who buy them”

 

You wrote:

“First, cheap products are generally fragile”

Correct is this:

“First, cheap products are easily broken.”

(“fragile“= easily broken because of the material the product is made of. For example, glass can be fragile; a table cannot be fragile.)

 

You wrote:

“Companies cut their costs to make cheap products as much as they can”

More natural is this:

“Companies cut their costs to make as many cheap products as they can”

However, the meaning of this sentence is not logical in the context of the paragraph. Here’s what I suggest:

“Companies cut their costs to make products as cheaply as they can”

 

You wrote:

“sometimes they contain dangerous ingredients or are out of order”

I wasn’t sure what you meant here. The first part of the sentence is okay, but the second part was difficult. The main thing I didn’t understand was the phrase “out of order.”  “Out of order” means that some kind of automated machine for the public is broken.  For example, I can say, “the bathroom is out of order” or “the ATM (bank machine for getting cash) is out of order.”  Here is a suggestion:

“sometimes they contain dangerous ingredients and can be harmful to the health”

 

As always, I hope this has helped!

Many thanks,